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Just a rant

Gender Dysphoria is real, it causes me much pain. It has driven me to the edge of suicide on 3 occasions over my life time. I honestly don’t care what people think of me- if I pass (look, sounds, act like a girl). I know in my heart the decision to transition saved my life, and has made me feel complete and extremely happy in my life. Coming out to family and friends is a terrifying experience, and I have been lucky to have been embraced and accepted by all except one person i told. Beginning transition is even more terrifying… those first weeks and months of going “full time”, when you’re in the in between state.. losing your masculinity and gaining femininity.

The risks I take even being me… going into public, risking verbal and physical abuse is a major reality for trans people. Science HAS proved it’s more than a mental condition… there are studies..not many so far, but they are catching up. When i say (for me personally) it has nothing to do with my appearance, it really doesn’t. Imagine to had something on your body that caused you physical, metal, and emotional stress..would you want to keep it?

Now that I am a woman (to me and everyone i know personally) the grs mean less, but i still want it, and am pushing forward this year to get my two surgery letters, and then find a surgeon. Then i have to come up with the money (most likely between 20 and 30k). I don’t care what other people think of me, i only care about how I think of me. I hated what i was for many years (being trapped in that masculine body), and get this, after i began transition, i hated what i was all over again. I wished I could have shoved down and buried those feelings, but it just wasn’t gonna happen. 30 years of knowing i was in the wrong body was pure hell.

Now, 5 years into transition, I am VERY happy who I am, and know I have a bright, promising future..all because I was able to transition. Yes, I am pretty happy with my appearance, now I just need to have my GRS so i can feel “normal”. But that’s neither here nor there… I am happy that my sense of self and purpose have aligned with what i saw in my head. Tell me I’m mentally ill, tell me it’s a phase, tell me it’s a cry for attention, and I will tell you I am Melanie Dawn… and if you can’t accept that, move on, we have nothing further to discuss.

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